Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
