i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
