When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's always time for handjobs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
