life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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