Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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