Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i now understand why vodka
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
