forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.