Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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