Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

you're like a bully in the Christmas story

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(440): View more from Ohio

But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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(775): View more from Nevada

So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo

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(509): View more from Washington

Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...

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