I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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