I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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