his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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