I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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