I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
