I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
