Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you never un-have a 4some
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
