do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
