i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us