I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's allergic to latex.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT