Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
