And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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