her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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