just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
