When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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