why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
too bad you live with your parents still
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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