the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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