you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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