i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
