bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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