the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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