My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
