I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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