Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There r osticjed everywhere
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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