if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
