I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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