Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
