I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
