Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
