She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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