I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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