so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
