His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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