not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
