Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
