The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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