The maid of honor just puked.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
