I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
