So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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