So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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