i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
