Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
