i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
