I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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