Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
