My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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