I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
