Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
