I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
