be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we're so committed to being not committed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
