I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
