i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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