Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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