I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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