it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
