I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
