we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
