So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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