You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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