Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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