Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
