I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
