I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
