Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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