I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
