I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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