Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have fence marks all over my body
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
