what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
