So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
