she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
