the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
