Just took my morning after pill in the library
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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