I must be too annoying 4 u.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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