Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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