Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
