Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
