everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
