Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
