I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and she was petting her beer can
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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