I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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