You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
